He makes me so happy! 

CPAP

I might finally be getting somewhere with my sleep deprivation problem!  Maybe I can start feeling like an actual human being again.  Especially if I can get my neck and back fixed also.  So tired of barely dragging my ass through life.

Habits

I have a lot of them and they are all bad.

Busy

I just realized one of the reasons I like my 2nd job so much is because it keeps me so busy, I forget to dwell on how much I don't like my life.

Leaf

Time to turn over a new leaf - or so the saying goes.
Time to be that someone I'm proud of.
Time to be the person I portray.
Time to do things for me, not what I think people want from me.
Time to let go of the past, especially the past failure.  It's done, it's over, leave it in the past, but         learn from it, really learn from it.
Time to get out of the debt that is holding me down.
Time to find that energy to get stuff done, like I used to have.
Time to put me first (well after my darling daughter of course, but that goes without saying).
Time to turn over that new leaf.  Quit waiting for it to turn itself over, you have to be the catalyst.
Time to let go of the weight that is holding you down/back, and not just the physical weight.
Time to be the employee he thought he hired.
Time to be the part owner you didn't know if you could be.
Time to work on positivity, it spreads just as fast as negativity.
Time to find your joy.
Time to love yourself.  You are actually worth it.
Time to let go of the fear.
Time to turn over that leaf.

World

Why are there so many idiots in this world?  Shouldn't the stupid be weeded out by now?  There's just so many of them.

The Person I Used to Be

It's about high time I start being the person I used to be or at the least the person my memory thinks I used to be.  My work ethic used to be so strong, now I mostly screw around.  I used to be detail oriented, now I can't follow a thought to the end.  I used to get promoted without trying because I was a go getter, now I can barely muster holding my head up and keeping my eyes open most the time.  I used to check things off my list.  Now I can't even make a list, let alone check something off of it.  I think most of it is legitimately tiredness, but some is just a simple lack of motivation.  Some would possibly call this depression, but I don't feel down.  It's a vicious cycle, I'm tired so I don't have any motivation.  I don't have any motivation cause I'm so damn tired.  But mostly I just don't have that go getter attitude anymore.  I need it back cause I'm drowning in my own pool of listlessness and I hate it.  I know I'm the only one who can take the reins, steer the ship, master my destiny, grab the horns and so forth.  So why won't I?  That is a subject I should probably figure out.  Overwhelmed?  Possibly, but still I've never been a defeatist and I certainly don't want to start being one now.  Time to grab the bootstrap and pull the big girl panties on  or something like that.  I can do this.  Right after I get another cup of coffee!

Job

I can't wait to quit Vault and go full time at DB.  I have 2 jobs right now, PT, but I love one and hate the other.  I don't mind the job itself at Vault, but I hate the place and the atmosphere and especially the management or more like lack of management.  Talk about a CEO that knows nothing about running a company and is taking the $$ dude for a ride!  He knows how to build a downline and run his own "direct sales line", but the company as a whole, NOPE!  I'm shooting for Thanksgiving to be my last days.  I will really have something to be thankful for if it works out that way.  Wish me luck.

Here we go again.

I'm back at it again.  I'm doing this program/contest to lose weight.  I need to drop an additional 30 to 35 lbs.  I think I can drop at least another 25, which is close enough.  But I really want to kick ass and I mean kick ass, not just to drop the weight, but to win.  I will win a year membership at the rec center I go to and that will be great!  But kicking everyone's ass at the weigh in will be the ultimate win.  There are some arrogant people in the contest, not sure what brings that out in people when they are losing weight, but it does.  So now you're thinking, ya what about you, aren't you being arrogant.  No, I'm not, I just want to win, but I don't think I'm better than someone else just because I am dropping the lbs.  That's the difference.   There's this snideness that comes out in people.  I am actually genuinely happy for people when they drop lbs and get healthier, really I am, but when they act smug or pompous about it, then I don't like them so much.  Still happy for their weight loss, I know the struggle well, but don't care for them or that attitude.  Feels good to vent again.  Hello again This Gals Random Thoughts.  I might be back for good.

Job

I really need to get a job and get back to work.  If money weren't a problem, I would feel different, but it is, so I don't, which means I need to get back to work.

Suck

Why do I feel like I suck at so many things?  Oh ya, cause I do.  The one thing I would really like to have in my life seems to elude me day after day, month after month, year after year and I'm not sure why, why I suck so bad.  And no this is not me feeling sorry for myself, I'm just pondering the truth, that's all.

Dating

Wasn't sure I wanted to get back into the dating scene again, but I did it and I'm so glad.  Even if it doesn't work out with this awesome hunk of man that I met, I'm glad I met him and I'm giving it my all.  He is sweet, hardworking, sexy, big and I mean big no not there, although it may be also, haven't seen that yet, he's 6'8" and just big and I love it and he's a really truly great father, not just in words as so many of them are.  I think I may be in love.

Missing You

I miss you Dad, some days are harder than other days, but no matter how much time goes by, I still miss having you around, even if you were a grumpy ass.  Joe called yesterday and sounded just like you, funny how it can take you back immediately, just hearing a voice. 

Snoring

My cute little fat shiht it snoring.  She's so cute.

Nut Cases

There are some serious nut cases out there and I'm not talking about me.  I may a little weird, but I am not a nut case.  I am not.  But I have come across many of them in my life and tonight I came across another one.  Wow.

This Weekend

This weekend has probably been one of my more favorite weekends in a long time.  Maddy had a volleyball tournament Friday night and most of Saturday.  They won a few games and lost a few more, but that doesn't matter so much because she loves it no matter what the outcome and she loves the girls on her team and that is important.  Winning is just the cherry on top of all that.  They all have fun, sure they would love to win, but they are learning the sport still and having a good time doing it.  I also watched a few teams with more mature, talented and experienced girls and there is nothing quite like it, they are absolutely amazing to watch.  Outstanding is the word I will use.  We also took a road trip on Sunday to Vernal to deliver belongings to my ex-boyfriend.  We sang at the top of our lungs almost the whole trip.  Maddy got tired and slept a little too, but mostly we just had a blast, singing and driving, just the 2 of us.  I can't put in words how much I love that.  It makes me truly happy, even if it is fleeting, I do know what true happiness is.  I've got to figure out another road trip for us soon, cause it was too much fun and we both forget some of the things that are troubling us when we are having fun together like that.  Maybe Moab.  It's a nice time of year to go I think.

Get It

I guess I just don't get it.  And by "it" I mean everything.  I just don't get it, probably never had and probably never will.

Superbowl

I can't wait for Sunday and the Superbowl.  JK.  I could give a rat's ass, but I am still going to have a Superbowl party cause I always enjoy eating shit I shouldn't.

Thumping

My dog even wags his tail in his sleep, he is so funny.  I keep hearing this thumping noise and finally find the source of the noise, it is him sleeping and thumping his tail on the ground while his paws continually move as if he's in perpetual motion and he whines too, and all the while his eyes are half open.  He is a crazy dog and I love him.

Options

Sometimes your options are so limited, you have to wonder if it's really worth pursuing.  What am I talking about you say, well datable men, jobs and stuff like that is what I'm talking about.